Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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