I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
