i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
