I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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