xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
high people should be assigned attendants
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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