i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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