Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
