you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
