Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
