Having a random hookup so left but love u
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
