spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
