this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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