He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I cut my penus on the lid.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
