Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
