hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
