I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
