Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
