I wish my penis had an off switch
I faked an abortion last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
