Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
