i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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