How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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