He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
