i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
