Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
