He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
