this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
