Nicole vs. Life
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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