shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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