He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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