mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
