no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
