Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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