dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
