Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
