I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize