He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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