He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
