I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
