I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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