yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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