sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize