He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
