I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
