i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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