I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
