maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
