how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
