so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
