I will die if light touches me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
