Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you win again, gameday.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
