wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
