i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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