All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
