Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Blow job season was short but glorious.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
