Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
