im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
