guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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