I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
