One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
