I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize