Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
