When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
