it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
