i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
