Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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