how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
