Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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