i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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