he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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