my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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