my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
