Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Small penises have feelings too.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
